If you’re attending the summit tomorrow, we can’t wait to see you. If not, and you’d like to follow the going’s on of the day, follow the hashtag #BGPSS12 and stay tuned to our Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr pages for constant updates.

We’ll also be posting recaps all next week across our social media sites and will update our Flickr and YouTube pages to provide you with a glimpse inside, behind, and around the big day. Until then, grab a copy of our Summit program to catch a glimpse of what we have in store.

Sometimes I feel left out and as if no one understands my problems because of what people might say or do to me if they find out the real me that is underneath this girl that’s trying to fit in with the rest of the world. Sometimes I feel as if I have no say so with my body and that no matter how hard I yell stop and protect myself that guys are going to continue taking advantage of me no matter what I say or do. Sometimes I love myself less than what every one else does because I have so many flaws that I can’t even stand to count them. Sometimes I keep everything to myself because I feel as if then no one can judge me.

Everyone feels  like this every once in a while but when on the days I feel like any of these I have to remind myself that God made no mistake when he created me and that even though I mess up and feel as if no one cares about my feelings or what I have to say that God knows my problems and he is my best friend no matter what happens in this life time because although I have been through a lot and have had days where I felt like giving up and taking my life, but I felt like God had my back through all of those things and he still does.

When girls and women have equal access to quality education, social resources, career opportunities, and political power they often have higher chances of overcoming structural barriers that they face in everyday life. Unfortunately, many girls and women across the nation and the world are not so fortunate and endure constant inequalities largely due to their gender, but also their race, ethnicity, class, nationality, age, physical and cognitive abilities, and sexual orientation.

This past Tuesday, October 9th, a 14 year old Pakistani female activist named Malala Yousufzai was shot in the neck for blogging about the Taliban’s restrictions on female education in the region. Today she is fighting for her life on a ventilator in her hometown of Islamabad. Despite the tragedy, her heroism and message have been recognized across the world.

Although pundits on American cable news stations always discuss the fight against gender inequality as primarily an international issue, it is also one that affects girls in the US as well. Many economically disadvantaged girls and particularly girls of color in the nation face widespread discrimination, health and educational disparities, and violence everyday. Black and Latina girls from low-income communities often attend schools that are underfunded, overcrowded, and lacking resources to fully support their educational, social, emotional, and reproductive health needs.

In 2009 the CDC suggested that black adolescent females in America had higher pregnancy rates and were more adversely affected by STIs and HIV than their female peers in other races. Most recently black girls and young women have also been the victims of police brutality and sexual harassment under the NYPD’s “Stop and Frisk” Program (in New York City) as police are able to pat females down and go through their purses without probable cause. After the tragic death of Trayvon Martin this year, more activist began to speak out about black females who were also victims of police brutality such 22-year-old Rekia Boyd, who was shot and killed by an off-duty police officer in Chicago.

In order to “Shatter stereotypes, end injustices, demand equality, and change the world!” a U.S. based organization named School Girls Unite!(SGU) and the United Nations launched the Day of the Girl campaign on 10.11.12 (October 11, 2012). The state of Maryland was first among other U.S. cities and states to officially proclaim 10.11.12 the United Nation’s International Day of the Girl!. The campaign highlights several issues that girls face globally, such as: illiteracy, school dropout, forced marriage, teen dating and domestic violence, negative body image, sex trafficking, limited work opportunities, and female mutilation.

ILLITERACY – By 2015, females will make up 64% of the world’s (adult) population who cannot read.

SCHOOL DROPOUT – Only 30% of girls in the world are enrolled in secondary school.
In America, the dropout rate is worse for boys but one in four girls does not finish high school, and the dropout rate is even higher for minorities.

FORCED MARRIAGE – One in seven girls in developing countries is married off before age 15.

VIOLENCE – In the US more than half (54%) of all rapes of females happen before age 18.
One in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. Worldwide children as young as age 11 are forced to work as prostitutes. Some estimates have as many as 1.2 million children being trafficked every year.

BODY IMAGE – More than half (54%) of 3rd-5th grade girls worry about their appearance and 37% worry about their weight. More than half (57%) of music videos feature a female portrayed exclusively as a decorative, sexual object.

(information above from http://dayofthegirl.org/girls-issues/)

School Girls Unite! has worked tirelessly to address these issues and advance the UN Millennium Development Goals related to gender equality, human rights, and universal basic education. The organization has set up multiple chapters in the U.S. and has partnered with girls and organizations in Mali (West Africa), raising enough money to send 66 girls to school through SGU’s scholarship program. In addition to making change in the everyday lives of girls, they have also affected policy, as they successfully persuaded Congressman Sarbanes (D-MD) to become a sponsor of Protecting Girls by Preventing Child Marriage Act and Education for All Act.

Here’s a video from a young African American female member, Rachel, who helped start a SGU chapter at her Maryland middle school: http://youtube/JgmfaM895BA.

Organizations like SGU, the Black Girl Project and University of Chicago’s Black Youth Project fight for the rights of black and marginalized youth in American and across the world. Initiatives like Day of the Girl can serve as tools to help us recognize that we are all apart of an ever increasing global community who are facing very similar issues.

The recent stats have not been on our side as the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services listed that 4 out of 5 African American women are obese. I am not writing this post to point blame or to ridicule but to motivate. Since so many black women are concerned about their hair in regards to exercise, actress Nicole Ari Parker best known for her role as Teri on the television show Soul Food created the “Save Your Do” gymwrap . According to the site: “Its a stylish headband developed with a patent-pending revolutionary ‘Edge Control Technology’ that claims to minimize sweat absorption through a unique blend of materials that allows heat to escape while letting cool air in.

Besides this fab hair accessory there are some other outlets of motivation on the internet such as Black Girls Run  where you can meet other women wherever you live and run with them. The beauty of it all is that they accommodate all running levels. There is also a young sistah by the name of Dailande Antoine, an LPN from Brooklyn who started Fitness Ladies. She posts workout videos, healthy grocery shopping tips and more.

Let’s change the stats and remember you always fix your hair but you only get one life to live why not make it the best.

Teens are having sex and at earlier ages than generations before them. In 2011 the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey (2012) found that approximately 47.4% of youth, nation-wide, between the ages of 15-19 reported having sexual intercourse at some in their lives. The study noted that 66.9% of black males and 53.6% of black females from this age group reported having sex, just exceeding their Latino and white counterparts. In addition, in 2011 6.2% of students nation-wide reported having sexual intercourse for the first time before age 13 years, with 21.1% of black males and 7.0% of black females reporting this data. In this study more 9th grade students reported having had sex before the age of 13 than other grade based cohorts.

The large gender differences in rates of sexual activity and early sexual debut listed above may point to some black girls’ feelings of gender and sex role inequality in heterosexual relationships with young, black male partners. If boys are engaged in higher rates of sexual activity, at younger ages than girls, it is possible that they may have greater expectations for girls that they are dating to have sex, even when they are not emotionally ready. This poses a risk not only to girls’ emotional development, but possibly her physical health as CDC (2012) research shows that frequent and consistent condom and contraception use is an issue among most adolescents.

These numbers are not meant to scare, sensationalize teen sex, or feed into narratives of black youth being too promiscious. I hope to show that teen sex happens across racial lines. Acknowlegding that teen sex will inevitably happen does not mean that parents and caretakers should not talk to their children (daughters and sons) about sex because they would be fighting a “loosing battle”. It just means that parents and caretakers should consistently take more proactive and open approaches to discussing both their values and feelings towards teen sex, provide their children with medically accurate and personal knowlegde about sex and sexual desires, but most importantly listen to their children and teens’ and give them a judgement free space to talk (at least for 20 mins). Remember although it can be extremely uncomfortable, sexual desire is natural!

Children are being exposed to sex and expectations about romantic relationships, “friends with benefits”, and “casual hook ups” all around them. On TV, the radio, the internet and social media networks to their classrooms, cafeterias, and playgrounds. The sexual messages that they receive in these spaces come from both legitimate and inaccurate sources, but nonetheless these messages are being received, analyzed, ignored, and performed by youth in very sophisticated ways. The real question comes down to, who do you want them to hear the information from first?

As children enter middle school they face more responsibilities at home and at school and have to navigate new peer, romantic, and sexual relationships. They are trying to find out who they are and where they fit into the world. During this time many girls are going through puberty and become easy targets for social scrutiny. As their bodies develop, particularly their butts, breasts, and curvy frames, they are often labeled as “fast” or “too grown” by adults and children alike. These girls are seen as having a higher chance of engaging in early sexual activities, no matter how true or false this may be. Black girls’ are not just sexualized by the media and hip hop as seen in songs like Big Sean and Nicky Minaj’s video “Dance (A$$)”, but in politics, social institutions, and everyday racist, classist, and misogynistic talk.

Research shows that when children and teens have access to age appropriate, medically accurate, and comprehensive advice from trusted parents, peers, mentors, or school/clinic based sex educators about sex and everyday life issues they are more likely to gain self-esteem and self-efficacy. These resources have been consistently shown to help students make more safe sexual decisions during adolescence and throughout their lives.

How can we re-imagine what black adolescent female sexuality can look like in everyday life? How it can be expressed…and/or acted upon? Also how can we talk about black youth sexuality without double standards that celebrate and/or passively accept black males’ acquisition of as many “bad bitches” as they can find, while those same “bad bitches” are simultaneously labeled as sluts and whores? (Let’s look at Lupe‘s song, but also critique his adamant call for monolithic black respectability)…..

Also can we move to a place where we can think about black female sexuality outside of heterosexuality, without labeling self-identifying LGBTQ girls as “confused,” deviant, or crazy…or less black? What’s at stake for black adolescent girls’ self-esteem, future relationships, success, and happiness in a world where age-appropriate discussions of sexuality (a normal part of human development) are silenced or highlighted by shame and judgment? I think can see the possible trajectory all around us.

Love and respect  yourself for who you are and not to try to be someone that you are not because the real you is way more greater and worthwhile than you think.

To me love is something that you have for yourself or someone else especially when it comes down to that one person you truly feel as if you can’t live without. Love isn’t a guy that judges you based on your past, abuses you mentally or physically, only gets with you because of sex, uses you for your money, or because they know that they can take advantage of your emotions, but it took me forever to realize and to figure out these things.

See back then I was on the wild side and no one, not even my mom, could tell me anything because I was too hardheaded and wanted to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. But now that I’m 18 and I look back at all the things that I have done; the relationships that I was involved in; the guys I would hang out with at school and on the streets, I wish I would have listened to every person that had ever tried to tell me how to go the right way. If I had, I wouldn’t have had to deal with so much anger, hate, regret, hurt and pain — all of which I still have today and am trying to recover from.

My advice would be to love and respect yourself and listen when someone tries to tell you something right because it will save you much pain and heartache. I would also say to the teenage girls like me, who struggle with low self-esteem and are trying to find themselves, to learn to love and respect  yourself for who you are and not to try to be someone that you are not because the real you is way more greater and worthwhile than you think. Respect and value yourself as a young lady first before you consider dating and if that guy you end up falling for really loves you and respects you for who you are then he won’t force you to do anything that you wouldn’t want to do.

Also, don’t be so quick to grow up. Enjoy being the age you are now that way you won’t look back on life and have so much pain and regret like I do.

The site is chock full of information for young women and girls and is separated into 3 sections: Her Story; Her Journey; and Her Legacy.

Her Story
We believe that every girl has a story to tell, so this section is just for you! Join the conversation as we discuss issues affecting teen girls in Speak on It. Read inspiring stories from girls in Young, Fly, and Gifted and watch as they share their daily routines in A Day in a Life.

Her Journey
Find the right tools to equip you throughout your journey into womanhood. Check out beauty and fashion tips in the Glamorous Life. Get health, body, and relationship advice at the Brick Stop. And don’t forget to visit Stepping Stones for guidance in your academic and professional careers.

Her Legacy
African American women have such a strong history. It’s important that we not only highlight their accomplishments, but help the next generation build upon this legacy. The Brownstone Women’s Spotlight profiles professional Black women and learn lessons from life reflections in Now that I’m Older.

We’re excited to be part of the Brownstone family!

A recent National Health Statistics Report has released data in a report called “Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Identity in the United States: Data from the 2006-2008 National Survey of Family Growth.” The report states it provides national estimates of sexual activity and behaviors among men and women ages 15-44.

The data does not mention if transgender or gender non-conforming people were included. As a result, I am assuming they were not and any discussion based on gender is not inclusive of all communities and thus may not give a complete picture for all youth in this age group.

Some of the findings include an increase in youth waiting to have a first sexual encounter. This increase comes from comparing data obtained in 2002. The report states that in 2002 22% of young men and women ages 15-24 had never had any sexual contact where as in 2006-2008 those numbers increased for the age group to 27% for men and 29% for women. Specifically looking at youth ages 15-17, 53% of young men and 58% of young women reported never having any form of sexual activity. This is a seven to ten percent increase since 2002.

As respondents age their choice to engage in consensual sexual activity increases, as has been the case for decades. However, the percentage of youth who have only had oral sex and not any other form of penetrative intercourse remain low, yet as penetrative intercourse becomes a part of their sexual health history these numbers decrease. However, the reality remains that focusing on STI prevention for younger youth must still be a priority. As the report argues, some youth are putting “themselves at risk for STI and HIV before thy are ever at risk for pregnancy.”

USA Today reporter Sharon Jayson interviews several professionals in the field of reproductive and sexual health of young people and many of them make strong important arguments about our ideas about youth. Jennifer Manlove from Child Trends is quoted as saying that youth “may be more in control of their behaviors than we think.” I appreciate this quote because I think it speaks to many of use working with, raising, educating, and/or mentoring youth. There are ideas that their peers, media, and lack of supportive and affirming messages from various support networks youth are a part of influence them negatively. Yet, we rarely talk about how youth have agency, can provide consent, and are important contributing members of society.

A majority of the articles focusing on this research are interested specifically in the “virginity boom.” The Week provided an interesting list of 5 reasons why there is an “teen virginity boom.” Included in the list are: virginity is trendy, sex education is working, youth don’t have time for sex, youth desire quality, not quantity, and maybe respondents were not being honest.

I believe this is more complicated and there may not be just one answer. If we are to want our choices and experiences to be respected and to be seen as complicated individuals we must offer that to youth as well. Let us first acknowledge that the 15 year olds that were interviewed at this time may now be adults today, and their experiences may have changed. So, a majority of the respondents in this research are possibly currently sexually active to some degree.

What if we acknowledged that media images, even if not the most positive or inclusive, had an impact on youth, especially when connected to strong messages from parents and adults in their lives coupled with comprehensive sexuality education. Are we ready to give shows like 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom some credit in providing examples and conversations for youth to witness and absorb?

Are we ready to acknowledge that some youth do value activism and education in ways we may not have imagined before? That their work is just as important, if not more, than our own as they are “insiders” to communities we have aged out of. Will any of us do anything different with this new data? And if so, will any of that include transgender youth?

1. Take Good Care of Yourself It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For Stresses and challenges don’t seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member’s bad mood is due to something you did, or that other students are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don’t waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes Have you ever told a relative “You’re ALWAYS late!” or complained to a friend “You NEVER call me!”? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’ makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don’t follow it.

6. Squash the “ANTs” In his book Change Your Brain Change Your Life, Dr. Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” – Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like “Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me,” or “The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!” When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin’, Touchin’ & Squeezin’ (Your Friends and Family) You don’t have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn’t touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It’s never productive, because it’s not rational or solution-oriented, it’s just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

If you have some other tips, please let us know. We’d love to hear from you.

Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. +M. Scott Peck

Ah ha! I found it. This is the (at least for me) definition of love. Love is not a noun, or a ragdoll, it is a verb, an action. You have to do love–cultivate, nurture and sustain it. It isn’t a thing that you sit on a shelf and admire, dusting off occasionally to show guests.

How many of us can say that we are willing to do what M. Scott Peck defines above? How often do you extend yourself, not just to others, but to yourself? What does it mean to do so?

I take it to mean that we knowingly go outside of our comfort zones and make, oftentimes uncomfortable, contact with others, our emotions, and desires in order to move beyond what we thought was possible. Yes, love includes caring, respect, and above all, honesty, but it’s more than that. In order to be able to truly loving, we must really take the time to examine ourselves, but most people won’t take the time to look into that proverbial mirror. Why? Because they are scared of what they might find. It’s a lot easier to make decisions based on the superficial, than it is to invest time digging deeper and let’s face it, we are a complacent and easily-pacified culture.

Besides, what in society inspires us to look inside ourselves or look past the mundane? Everything around us tells us that it’s all about the new and the now. The world is so fast paced, and we are so busy trying to keep up, that we lose track of who we are and what’s truly important. How, then, can we truly know love? How can we develop the meaningful relationships that foster and encourage love?

Sometimes, it is when we are in the most desperate, confusing, emotion-filled and trying times in our lives, that the opportunity to get to truly know ourselves emerges. It’s within this confusion, that our true selves often materialize. Seeking answers to our outward issues is often the catalyst for introspection.

I write this because I know that I do not live in a vacuum and someone reading this is either in the process of asking themselves these same questions or should be. I write this because I know what it is like to not love myself or truly love others. I write this because I  have interviewed quite a few young women who answered either “No” or “I don’t know” when I asked them if they loved themselves.

Knowing how to love isn’t intrinsic, it’s learned. You can always choose who to love, but if you don’t truly love yourself, who’s going to love you?